| alexander_reloa...'s profileMore of a void than a sp...BlogLists |  Tools  Help |
|
November 01 Magnetism by proxy.Hallowe'en. An excuse to get dressed up. Fantastic. Not that I normally need an excuse, but it usually helps. Now, I've always wanted to get dressed up as a Ghostbuster, but I'm usually too skint to do it. This year however, I've got a loan from the bank so I finally got the chance to realise my dream.
Deciding to make it a team effort with my housemate and general partner in crime; Steven, we went all out on making some truly amazing costumes. Boiler suits, logos, proton packs, boots, guns that shot silly string - we were there. What really aided the final effect was that by putting on a pair of glasses Steven actually became Egon Spengler. Scary. I made an executive decision to be Peter Venkman since sarcasm is generally regarded to be my super power.
And so we took to the streets of Newcastle, saluting those that recognised us and shooting at those who mocked (People really weren't expecting our guns to work, which made for some comedy moments).
Then a strange thing started to happen.
Whenever we were greeted by groups of women, at least one of them would say 'Which one of you is Venkman?!' at which point I would warily raise my hand. It seems that there are a fair few ladies out there who have a thing for the legend that is Bill Murray. Fair enough, you might think - but the weird thing is this attraction gets passed on to you if you happen to be dressed up like him. God knows how many women I had my photo taken with that night.
Conversely, all the lads thought Egon was cool and would exclaim something along the lines of 'Spengler! Excellent!'
What with Steven being straight and me being "of the dark side" - by the end of the night we couldn't help but wish we could swap characters...
October 30 Nightmare on Elm Street?So, the other night, I dreamt I got in a fight with some charvas. They were setting off fireworks underneath cars so I went outside to challenge them on it - and promptly got beaten to a bloody pulp. Which was fine, since it was a dream.
Or was it?
When I woke up I felt a pain in my elbow. Confusion quickly turned to alarm when I realised it was bleeding fairly heavily. 'What the deuce?' I thought in a voice not unlike Stewie from Family Guy. How could I get hurt in a dream? That is just not possible. I got out of bed and quickly looked around for an explanation as to how I could have injured myself in this way. Could I have lashed out and hit something in the night? Not really, the wound that had somehow been inflicted upon me looked a lot like a deep scratch. I then noticed the corkscrew that had been left next to my bed after an impromptu drinking binge that had happened a few nights previously. Had I some how grabbed it in the middle of the night and decided to take a chunk out of my arm? No, it was too blunt for that. Fast running out of plausible explanations I wondered what the hell had actually happened. I returned once again to the scene of the crime and looked in my bed. And there it was. The culprit. Lying right next to a small pool of blood was a tiny shard of glass. In the aforementioned drinking binge, me and my housemate Steven had broken a glass. We thought we'd got up all the pieces but obviously not. I'd somehow got it into bed with me and lacerated my arm on it. Considering the size of the piece of glass compared with the amount of blood freely coming out of my arm, I was quite amazed. But also relieved to find that I wasn't being attacked in my dreams.
And even more relieved to find I'd only cut my elbow...
October 18 In lesbian news...Hello there faithful few who read my blog, how the devil are you?
I just found something which I thought was incredibly amusing. You know how they've found a tenth planet in our solar system? Well officially it's called 2003 UB313, but the scientists decided to name it Xena. Presumably this generation of astronomers aren't all that up on Roman gods.
Anyway, it turns out that Xena has a moon all of it's own. And what has it been named? Gabrielle. Yes, it now appears that new discoveries are named after fictional lesbian characters.
I eagerly await the discovery of a Willow comet and a Tara supernova. Genius.
October 12 The great unwashed.I dunno, you don't go into work for three weeks and suddenly you don't have a job anymore! What the hell is wrong with people these days?
October 05 Frying pan... fire...So, Monday morning, I went off to my doctor to get the all clear on my hand so I could go back to work. 'Yeah, seems fine' he said 'if you want to go back then you can'. A part of me was faintly gutted by this because, well, who wants to go back to work when they've been off for a fortnight? But the rest of me was glad I could start earning some money again and go back to having a life. Or something like it.
That night, I couldn't get to sleep because I had a really bad stomach ache. Typical I thought - first day back and I'm going to be knackered. After a while I looked at my watch and realised I'd been kept awake by this pain for about three and a half hours - so I went off and necked a load of pills (I don't know what they were. I just found them lying about). This did the trick and I finally got to sleep.
I woke up the next morning feeling rough as. My stomach ache was still there but I was now going hot and cold and the pain had also moved to my kidneys, which I didn't think was a particularly good sign. Hoping the agency I worked for had a sense of humour, I phoned in sick and went back to sleep.
I woke up again around 12ish and was now feeling worse. I decided to go online and check my symptoms on the NHS Direct website. You type in what's wrong and they tell you how long you have to live. Something like that anyway. So off I went - clicked on the abdominal pain thing. Then there was a list. Do you have any of the following? blah blah blah... feeling sick? - Yup, got that one, so I clicked on it. The next screen came up. Call 999 it said. Oh great.
I then phoned NHS Direct, because I wasn't convinced I was an emergency. I spoke to a nurse who said although she couldn't diagnose over the phone she thought I might have a kidney infection and I should phone my GP. Which I did and he said he wanted me to come in so he could examine me.
So I dragged my sorry arse out of bed and went down to see my doctor (which seemed like the longest journey in the world) who then proceeded to take the piss. Literally. He wanted to check whether I had a kidney infection and whether I was diabetic or not. Turns out I had neither of these and I have in fact got a virus. He sent me home with some nice strong painkillers and told me to drink lots of fluid. He also told me it's going to take me about 7-10 days to get over this. And even then it might come back.
So I've gone from not being able to go to work but essentially feeling fine, to not being able to go to work and feeling awful.
Superb. September 21 Having a laugh.So, it transpires that I will get some sick pay after all. 'Hoorah', I thought to myself.
But then I was told how much I'll be getting.
Turns out I'll be on 13 quid a day. Once you take tax off, that will just about buy me a KitKat.
Has anyone seen my piss lying about the place? Because I think someone's taken it.
September 19 Tinosinovitis.I have a very boring and repetitive job. Though while it is both boring and repetitive it is actually quite a laugh since the people I work with are mint.
However, the problem is that because it's repetitive I've now actually got a repetitive strain injury (see posh word for it above). According to the doctor I saw today it's fairly serious and I've got to rest my right hand for 2 weeks. He's put me on the sick.
Which would be fine if:
a) I thought I was going to get paid for all this time off
b) I could do anything to pass the time (can't play the guitar, computer - I'm typing this left handed and it is taking FOREV-ER.)
and c) I didn't have to endure poor jokes about me masturbating too much.
On a completely different subject, I'd like to say congratulations to my old housemate Ryan on finishing the Great North Run. Unfortunately I wasn't there to cheer him on in person since I had a raging migraine (I'm just falling apart at the moment). Consequently I also missed Susan Sarandon, though probably would have missed her even if I had been there, since rumour has it she was in fancy dress.
Most disturbing find of the week (which again was discovered by Steven) is this website. The cartoons on this site are seriously disturbing and messed up. I mean really. I'm being serious. View if you dare 'Salad Fingers' (there are 6 episodes of this) and most alarming of all 'Milkman'. Don't say you weren't warned.
Also, the fact that I scoffed a pack of mince pies this week officially means it's nearly Christmas. Tinsel on standby.
September 17 Susan Sarandon and The Cat.One night, I was watching Thelma and Louise with a friend and I started to expound my theory that Susan Sarandon is in everything. I mean she is, isn't she? I'm not saying this is a bad thing, not at all in fact, I happen to think Ms Sarandon is pretty cool. So when I was in a bar in Paris the other night and she came and sat next to me, I had to tell her that she was a complete legend. She thanked me for saying so and then I left her to get on with her drink. I didn't want to appear like some crazy stalker or anything.
The morning after this encounter, I realised that it had, in fact, been a dream. But, this only lends weight to my theory that Susan Sarandon really is in everything. Even in my dreams.
In fact, rumour has it that SS will be appearing at the Great North Run, which is happening this weekend in Newcastle. I shall be there to cheer on my old housemate Ryan - who, as far as I'm aware, has done absolutely no training. Yeah, good luck with that mate.
In other news, Old Mr Johnson had troubles of his own. He had a yellow cat, that wouldn't leave his home. And in my house, we love that cat. What the hell am I on about? Well I am in fact referring to a cartoon called The Cat Came Back, which you may remember seeing on tv. I think the BBC used to show it sometimes to fill space between programmes. It is by far and away one of the funniest things you are ever likely to see. My housemate Steven managed to get hold of it and we just cannot stop watching it. As another of my housemates Nick put it:The Cat is key.
If you remember The Cat, please leave a comment. It is legendary.
September 11 Revelations of the week.So. It's been a while since I last wrote on here. Why? Dunno. A number of reasons. Does it really matter? Look at my face. Am I bothered?
Anyway, so there have been a few revelations in my life this week. Firstly - it has been pointed out to me by one of my new housemates (Steven) that I look a bit like Martin Freeman.
Secondly, it may sound obvious - but if you stay up all night at the weekend, then you get more weekend. Obviously you have to be slightly hardcore to handle it, and it does involve staying awake for about 36 hours - but you do get to dedicate more time to your BRAND NEW FAVOURITE THING which is...
The Amstrad 464. Hands up if you had one when you were a kid? I can't even begin to imagine how many hours I spent playing on mine, but it was absolutely amazing. So, you can imagine my utter delight when my housemate (the aforementioned Steven) casually mentioned that he'd got an Amstrad emulator. Now, I knew these things existed because I'd used one before. But it wasn't very good and last time I checked they didn't run on XP. Not any more my friend - the all new Caprice32 is absolutely spot on. It was this that led to staying up all night last weekend - an event which is now only being referred to as AmFest 2005. You all need to go away and download Ghostbusters right now. Oh yes.
Are you still here?
April 28 Superman never had this problem.Two things are not obvious from the photo you see of me to the right. 1) I wear glasses. 2) My fondness for hoodies. And it is these two things that led me to realise something today. I was just about to go into a lecture but was too hot so I decided to take off the hoodie I was wearing. But if you're wearing glasses, then it's not a very easy thing to do, so you have to take them off and hand them to your nearest friend for a few moments while you de-hoodie. And the thought struck me: Superman/Clark Kent never had this problem. You never saw him take off his glasses and get someone else to hold them while he changed did you? I discussed this with my friend Emma (who was holding my glasses) and we acknowledged the fact that Clark Kent doesn't actually NEED glasses so can easily throw them away, but if he does that then he must go through HUNDREDS of pairs. Maybe he has a little pocket in his cape where he keeps them? Thoughts? Comments?
April 26 Here comes the rain again...ARRRRRRGGGG! I just typed up an entry only to have the WHOLE THING lost. There are so many simple ways to do that. There should be laws against it. So, brief rehash of what I said before: It's gone back to raining in Newcastle, which while not a complete surprise, seems to have made everyone depressed. Having to revise when it's raining is somehow worse than revising when it's sunny. I don't know why.
Revision made me realise
This entry was brought to you by the letters B, O, R, E and D. Right, time for bed.
*I don't actually drink pints, I much prefer a cool Reef. Yes. April 25 My life as a movieTaking my cue from a message I just left on this guy's space - it's got me thinking, if your life were a movie, what would it be? Obviously, I would like it to be Moulin Rouge! because that was a GREAT film. Lots of singing, lots of dancing, lots of Ewan McGregor... fantastic all round really. My life has quite a few twists and turns in it, much like a series of 24. Actually, I tried to claim I was the new Jack Bauer at one point because when I was working nights I seemed to be up for 24 hours at a time. Of course, I was a cleaner in a cheese factory, which is slightly less exciting than working for CTU. Anyway, 24 doesn't count because it's not a film. My life is sometimes a little bit confusing (isn't everyone's?) and sometimes it's full on RANDOM, so maybe my life could be like Mulholland Drive. Or Fellini's Satyricon. Maybe my life could be like Shrek 2, because it's funny and has lots of pop culture references in it. This is going to take serious consideration. I'll get back to you on this. Recovering. I think.Hello all. And when I say all, I mean the one or two people who happened to have stumbled on to this page by accident. Come in, have a fun size Twix. I think I am recovering well from the evil tonsilitis that befell me last week. Of course, this has unfortunately meant that I have had no excuse not to go to the library and do some hardcore revision. *sigh* And there are so many other, more exciting things I could be doing with my time... In other news, a pigeon has moved in to the attic space above me and now wakes me up with its evil cooing/growling at about half eight every morning. And let's all have a nice big round of applause for LUTON TOWN who won and are now officially League 1 champions. *cheers, whistles* (I was born in Luton if you're wondering why I support them). Something that is hampering my revision effort at the moment is the fact that I've developed a real liking for Scrubs (the programme, not the items of clothing). So whenever it's on (which is about four times a day if you have Sky) it is suddenly MUST SEE. When did this happen? Was it after I saw Garden State? Possibly. And, incidentally, for those of you living in Newcastle, Garden State is being shown again this weekend at the Tyneside Cinema, I advise you all to go and see it, because it was fantastic. And that's enough. Illness!Ugh, I am sooooo ill at the moment. I have a sort of cold thing happening, but it's worse than that. Whenever I stand up my head pounds and I'm not eating (which for me means there's something definitely wrong). And I was hallucinating last night so I ended up being sick (no, I don't fully understand that either). The worst thing is I know I should be revising for my finals which are in about four weeks. I can't wait to get over this.
April 18 tick tockSo, texts. Now generally speaking I don't like mobile phones. I tend to leave mine at home on regular occasions, but something I do like about them is the fact you can send texts, and when you get one, it's a tiny bit of excitement in your life. You pick up your phone and you're like 'Oooh, who's this?' which is great. BUT... What is the deal with people TAKING AGES TO REPLY TO TEXTS?!? It's just taken a guy I know (okay, my ex) SEVEN HOURS to respond to one of my messages. I mean it's just not cricket is it? Am I the only person who gets wound up by this?
*sigh*So the weather in Newcastle is far from pleasant at the moment and given that I have a cold I made an executive decision to not go out into the cold and the wet, but to stay indoors and type up some of my notes, which is so boring, I feel it might be sending me ever so gently round the bend. Due to the nature of my cold - the only way I can keep breathing at the moment is to keep painting my chest and throat with Vicks Vaporub. Current experiment is to see how much Vicks it takes so burn a hole through my chest. I reckon another couple of layers should do it. Place your bets.
New toy...Wow, I didn't know that the new messenger came with this whole profile/blog thing, what a great idea. Now I have something else to distract me from revision. Hoorah! |
|
|
